Tuesday, November 15, 2016

My World in Chaos

First it looked like everything really was going to be okay. And then suddenly, we knew nothing would be okay for years, decades maybe. In the course of a day I went from planning to change jobs and finish my transition in the next three or four months to figuring out with my spouse whether Canada would take us should things go really bad in two months. I can't not transition, but now I have to wait until things play out at both the national and state level so we can figure out just how safe or not safe our family will be. And once we know, if it comes down to that, things may get really bad, really fast.  Or not. The Dems can still stop bills in the Senate. But it's clear most of President Obama's EO's will be rescinded. And the GOP will put in place at least one Supreme Court justice and the over 120 Federal judges they've been blocking for eight years. On the other hand, GG v. Glouscester will likely not result in a ruling against trans people even if it goes the wrong way. But there are still those 21 states that are suing for the right to bully trans students.

On the bright side, I went to a trans conference on Saturday in the city where we used to live. And despite the lingering cloud of fear, there was so much support, love and connection that I didn't want to leave. I saw people I haven't seen in eight years. We hugged, talked, cried a little - happy tears - and tried to make sure that going forward everyone helps each other out where and when they can. Did I mention that every aspect of the conference was amazingly, wonderfully autism and sensory aware?  That alone made me feel so warm and cozy. I even saw a few people from the first support group I attended.

I also returned to my now favorite hardware store. I swear there is nothing better for a trans woman's ego than a hardware store staffed by old men. If you can ignore the sexism, anyway.  I called first to see if they had what I needed and was called "sir".  I almost decided not to go but the clerk said they had them, so I made myself go. When I got there I asked where they would be. My voice, by the way, was perfect for once. The clerk started telling me all about how he just spoke with my husband on the phone and it looks like he sent me to come pick up the items, and so on. Turns out they didn't actually have what I needed, he'd misread the label. He made sure that I'd pass on his apology to my husband. I swear my wife went around talking in a low manly voice for five minutes after I returned home and told her what happened.